I’m REALLY good at cutting people off, especially at the slightest sign of inconsistency. I always believed that this strategy drastically helped me from being hurt by others — kind of like a get-them-before-they-get-me type of thing — until I recently started to wonder: am I actually missing out on potential long-lasting relationships?
I know that everyone makes mistakes, but, in my defense, I feel like some things are completely avoidable. For example, when I am dating someone, I am extremely upfront with them about how much I appreciate honesty. I would prefer someone tell me the truth rather than tell me a lie and I communicate that. So when someone disregards it, it feels like the ultimate betrayal. I mean, if I can’t trust you during the dating or “talking” stage, how can I trust you in a relationship?
Besides, society tends to perpetuate this idea that a woman has to forgive her partner over and over because “he didn’t mean it” or “he didn’t know any better,” and I can’t go for that. Not to brag, but I’m a pretty amazing person and I have a lot to offer, so I don’t feel like I should stick around through the rut — especially when there are early warning signs.
So, I’ve adopted this pattern where I don’t really express myself when I see signs of inconsistency. Instead, I bottle up my feelings, block their number and leave them to sulk once they’ve realized why I’ve suddenly ghosted them. Now, I know this is extremely immature and ineffective in the long-run, but I’d just rather not wreak havoc on my both my mind and my emotions dealing with it.
I haven’t come up with a full-proof solution just yet, and am still very much deliberate with the things I choose to tolerate, but I’ve also made attempts to not look at things so one-sided. I’ve considered the fact that maybe the people I date don’t have the same values or ideas as me, or perhaps they don’t realize the effects of their actions, so I try to act a little less and communicate a lot more.
Signs of inconsistency should never be avoided, but maybe they should be addressed, forgiven and amended every once in a while.