Several years ago, when I was still in my dating years, I thought I'd give the online dating thing a try. I was a bit hesitant because I'd heard horror stories, and I didn't feel like having to pay just to look for a date. Nevertheless, I signed up for Match.com and Catholicmatch.com. I liked that I could search for men based on certain criteria. But when I didn't have much success with either of those sites, I thought perhaps a site like eHarmony, which provides more in-depth matching methods would be better. Turns out, I didn't make the cut.
You see, before I could even get rejected by the men on eHarmony, I was rejected by the site itself. I spent a good amount of time filling out the personality profile and answering the abundance of questions. I think I was asked everything short of my bra size and social security number. I made sure to carefully answer each question as honestly as possible and indicate my relationship goals with transparency. But once I completed the questionnaire, I received a message that said something along the lines of: "We're sorry, but based on the answers you have provided, we will not be able to find a match for you."
Umm...what? I thought eHarmony used the information we provide to find us the most suitable match possible.
It could be that some of my answers conflicted with one another. Or that I wasn't consistent enough in certain areas. But still, shouldn't I be matched with fellow daters who are also a bit mixed up?
I wasn't upset that I couldn't join the site. I think eHarmony's overall goal is a good one. I was upset that I was basically told that who I was wasn't good enough. That my traits, qualities and what I wanted in a mate were not worthy of receiving a chance. You would think that the questionnaire would be able to identify people from all walks of life, who fall at various places on the spectrum.
A few years passed after this experience, and I decided I would try it again. Surely I had grown as a person, developed a better sense of self and could better answer the questions this time around. So once again, I took the time to carefully answer all the questions and fill out the necessary information.
And once again...I was rejected. Once again, I received the message, "We're sorry, but based on the answers you have provided, we will not be able to find a match for you."
I mean, WTF? Seriously? I couldn't believe it. But there was nothing I could do, and I decided that was my last time trying to use eHarmony. If the site didn't think I was good enough, I would channel my awesomeness elsewhere.
In the end, online dating wasn't for me. I ended up meeting my husband at a Christmas party. So let this be a message if you're feeling frustrated by the whole online dating thing. Even if you don't have success with any of the sites, it's not about you. You're amazing just the way you are, and no dating site can change that.